


Dear Frank,

by asstrozombies



Category: My Chemical Romance
Genre: Character Death, Frank is telling a story, Implied/Referenced Suicide, M/M, it's mostly italicized and in first person bc of that
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-08-31
Updated: 2015-08-31
Packaged: 2018-04-18 09:01:11
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 684
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4700075
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/asstrozombies/pseuds/asstrozombies
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Who knew you could say I love you so many different ways even once you're already dead?</p>
            </blockquote>





	Dear Frank,

**Author's Note:**

> this is obviously not going to be happy and im sorry. i got the idea while i was reading miss peregrine's home for peculiar children (idk why) and i took a break from reading that and writing teenage wasteland to give you this.

_It would be impossible for me to list everything Gerard Way was. But if there's one thing he_ wasn't _, it was ordinary. He fell bonkers in love with every person he laid his eyes on, because they were all beautiful to him._

_I was his last love._

_We spent what seemed like endless nights in the park, his room, my backyard. We smoked, and drank, and laughed, and we were instant best friends. And I loved him.  
_

_It was purely platonic at first. Laying in his bed at night, discussing different crazy things. He told me how he felt about anything and everything, and I would reciprocate. Then we'd fall asleep, maybe holding hands, maybe laying on each other's chests._

_Then there was the night when he had drank so much different booze, he was barely himself. He sat on my back porch and told me a number of things I'd never heard out of his mouth._

_He said,_ "Frank, I love you."

_He said,_ "Frank, it's more."

_He said,_ "Frank, I want to kiss you. At least once before I die."

_I barely waited a second to move in and kiss him. I never realized how much I'd wanted to do that._

_I never regretted that moment, not for a second._

_He, by some miracle, remembered it. He told me every word was true. There wasn't a moment he didn't spend thinking about me..._

_It was more than those other people. He wanted to be with me all the time. He didn't care at all what anyone would ever think, and it was amazing. Every second was a roller coaster of good emotions with him._

_We kissed a lot._ A lot. _It was perfect._

He _was perfect._

_He was... sad._

_Eventually we didn't kiss much. Eventually we grew apart._

_Neither of us wanted to. At least, I know I didn't. I think he didn't. He just kept getting sadder, and sadder. He stopped telling me things and started staring off into space silently. He stopped drawing and started crying. He was the saddest person I'd ever seen._

_There was no cause._

_There was no cure._

_Gerard Way was going to die._

_The moment I realized this was also the moment I grew to realize I hated every negative thing in my best friend's body, where before I had loved every imperfect thing about him. I didn't want him to be sad, and I sure as hell didn't want him to die. I wanted to hold him and whisper good things in his ear, happy things. I wanted to kiss him. Just one last time._

 

_On December 18th, Gerard Way went missing._

_On January 1st, they found him._

_I knew when I got the news it was too late, even though no one said._

_Apparently, he'd taken a train to the city, spent nights and nights in a hotel room, drafting letters. None of them finished. All of them addressed to me._

Dear Frank, I'm sorry I-

Dear Frank, I didn't want to leave-

Dear Frank, I don't know if you know-

Dear Frank, in my last days, you were all that-

Dear Frank, they won't tell you this, but I had every little thing that reminded me of you with me. Everything. Even the meds I was prescribed that night you brought me to the psychiatrist-

Dear Frank, I hope you know this wasn't your fault. It's on me. I love-

_And my personal favorite,_

Dear Frank, I'm glad I got to kiss you at least once before I died.

_By some miracle, he remembered. Even when his life went to shit, he still found time to tell me he loved me in every possible way before he killed himself._

 

_I never got to kiss Gerard Way one last time after he died. I don't know if I'll ever be okay with that, but I'll live. I've kept his drafts, years after he died. And I still love him. But I know what happened had to happen. And maybe if it hadn't, I never would have known the things that the letters contained._

**Author's Note:**

> honestly i regret this but no harm no foul.


End file.
